vampireswillbutthurtyou:

don’t you hate it when you’re trying to play basketball and your head’s in the game but your heart’s in the song

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qenitals:

shopping carts in random places make me sad

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there is nothing for you there friend

meladoodle:

what do you mean a thesaurus isnt a dinosaur

(Source: meladoodle)

suspend:

i dont need a date i need cash

  • tip: shut up

dampsandwich:

if u smell good, we cool

A

  • police: you're under arrest
  • me: no i'm not
  • police: shit

moonager:

One time I was on a rollercoaster and a guy’s hat fell off during one of the loops but he caught it when we were right side up again, and i have to go my whole life knowing I’ll never be as cool as that guy.

(Source: deersjaw)